Hunting Dragons with Goats
by whitetiger62512
Summary: Based off a comic that was sent to me, I have no idea where the original post is so sorry. Basically instead of punishing the man who hurled goats at skyhold, Asaaranda decided to take the strange man with her on her next dragon hunting trip.


One Shot: Goat man he who hurls goats.

Simra walked the top of the walls of skyhold, enjoying the morning breeze and the sun glinting off the snow. Ma Vhenan was busy with noble who was upset, Simra had only half listened to why, something about Vivienne taking the last bolt of Avaar silk from the merchant stalls it was a very boring issue. Simra notice movement below and looked out to see a man dressed in avaar leathers leading a train of goats, the guards had noticed and dismissed him as a threat give the lack of any true weapons, they still watched him with Simra, but they were only making sure he was not a spy.

"Oi, what you looking at Sim?" Sera-Sister asked as she came up, she was also wandering due too her soulmate dealing with the noble.

{Avaar leading a goat train, Simra was wondering what a lone Avaar is doing here.} Simra explained, before Sara could respond the sound of a goat screaming in fear fill the air.

"What bloody-" Wham! Sera was toppled over by a glancing blow from a flying goat, that then landed in the courtyard below.

Simra dropped and after making sure Sera was okay she peered over the wall while the guards ran to stop the Avaar who was now hurling more goats at Skyhold's walls. Simra noticed that after the first shot he goats all hit the wall well below the top, when the guards reached him Simra had expected a fight but instead the man simply surrendered without a fight. Simra was impress by the range the man had shown, even Shokrakar would have a hard time hurling a bunch of goats that far, Simra knew this because the Val-kos held yearly games and one of them was the log toss.

###

Asaaranda sat on her throne looking down at the strange Avaar man who looked back at her calmly, the reports she had received were mystifying, if it was just the guards she might have wondered if they were drunk but with Simra's report and Sera being knocked out by a flying goat she had to believe it. Based on what her merc brother Arcill told her this was basically the man's response to her killing the fool Avaar warriors who had attacked her, so Asaara was less than happy about the idea of increasing this eye for an eye matter to the next level.

{Your first throw hit one of my inner circle in the head, she is fine but it raises the question, why did you not continue to hurl your weapons at that level?} Asaaranda asked, the Avaar bowed to her.

"My hand slipped as I was throwing, I had been aiming for right below them. I am glad she is alright, I was smacking your holding's walls with goats blood I had no intention of fighting your forces, no sense to making a feud over something that was my fool son's fault he and his followers have paid. That said I can't do nothing, else I risk losing the support of my tribe, so I needed to answer the brat's death." The man explained calmly, Asaaranda looked at him closely no magic stirred around him nor were there spirits aiding him.

{I understand chief, but I must also answer this so I will be fair your tribe will serve my inquisition as our eyes, ears and knives in the mountain range you call home. As for you, my mercenary group has a simple view that fighting beside someone is the best way to find out if you can trust them, so you will be joining my dragon hunting team on a hunt… as punishment for knocking out one of my archers you will only be allowed to use goats.} Silence followed her decree, until the man started laughing.

"Deal Inquisitor, I look forward to the hunt!" The man was then lead from the room, and the inner circle left to the war room leaving behind a rather confused bunch of nobles.

###

Getting a train of enchanted goats deep into the emerald graves was a challenge to say the least, Varric jumped when the electric goat brushed against him shocking him, he did not understand how Simra and Dagna managed to enchant a bunch of goats? The Seeker did not seem happy about the idea of using goats as weapons, though her soulmate and Bull seemed to think is was a great idea as did the Val-Kos. Varric watched the Val-Kos chatter amongst themselves excited at the thought of hunting a dragon, apparently the Qunari rush of dragon hunting could be taught, if trapper, Arcill and Sata-Kas were any indication.

A roar ripped through the air making Varric, Dorian, Krem, Dalish and Skinner leap into the air while the rest either smiled broadly or remained unaffected. Another few minutes of walking with two more roars each louder than the last, they finally entered the clearing of the Greater Mistral, Varric sighed in relief when he saw the dragon breath ice and not lightning, have sparks at her full power made Varric feel a lot better about their odds.

{Spread out and keep it out of the sky!} Sparks ordered before she and Shokrakar charged the beast, bull, Krem and Arcill just a step behind.

As the group spread out Varric noticed the Avaar chief the first goat in the train by its back fur and lift it easily, Varric turned back to the fight and began hurling bolt after bolt into the Dragon's left eye, he saw a bright red mass streak across the sky scream as only a goat could before impacting the left wing. The blast was loud as fire exploded out of the goat, the goat fell to the ground leaving behind a large gapping hole in the dragon's wing webbing. Varric's jaw dropped as the goat charged across the clearing right back to the chief, lining itself up to be tossed again.

'Damn you sparks, no one is going to believe my book if I put this shit in it!' Varric thought frowning as he finished fully blinding the dragon's left eye and moved to start of the right.

Simra crouched in the tree above the Avaar chief using the amount of magical power coming from the goats to hide Simra's presence, her arrows were focused on attacking the back-leg joints where the scales were weakest and she had the least chance of nearly hitting her allies. The three flashes of fire from the goat told Simra that the goat's power was used up and sure enough the next flash was that of Ice that weighed down the right wing, Simra and Kara-Cousin had the same idea, and both launched their hottest spells into the ice turning it into steam in a flash that caused a blast which took out a large portion of the dragon's wing.

Dorian and Tale-Spinner finished blinding the dragon as Katoh screamed in a roar that Simra knew meant the battle was all but one, Katoh only screamed like that when her reaver blood told her that she had delivered a lethal blow. Having a Reaver qunari was great for dragon fights, Simra loved knowing when Simra's prey was almost done and only a reaver could tell so easily. Sure, enough only a few minutes the Dragon fell to a last lightning goat to the face, Katoh stood there laughing madly drenched in dragon's blood licking her long metal claws and hands clean of blood.

"Give her some space she will come back to it when her high drops down to just horny instead of battle lust." Shokrakar warned the group as Katoh kept slashing the dragon's body to keep the blood flowing.

Simra wondered briefly how much trouble Simra would be if Simra slept with Katoh, memories of the last dragon hunt with the Val-Kos and the fucking Simra had gotten but she decided that Josie would not be happy and so Simra sighed and resigned herself to just using her dildo and smalls of Josie tonight.

"I would never have believed it if I had not been here, Maker's britches I still don't believe, and I was here!" Tale-spinner exclaimed, Simra looked down at her dwarf friend.

{Simra agrees, she had never expected for the goats to be so useful, Simra will have to talk with Rune-Maker to see if we can figure out how come their power is more than Simra and Rune-maker intended?} Simra agreed looking at the goats who were happily munching the grass.

{Simra is going back to camp, is needs to work off her horniness.} Simra told Tale-Spinner in way of farewell.

"Too much info Vines I don't need to know your going to finger yourself!" Tale-Spinner complained, Simra laughed. {Simra does not need fingers, Simra brought her favorite Dildo and a pair of Ma Vhenan's smalls!} she yelled over her shoulder enjoying the sound of Tale-Spinner tripping out of shock.


End file.
